Work

“Main apne dad ke paise kharch karta hoon…”

–Wake Up Sid (2009)

I’ve become this since a while. “Main apne paise kharch karti hoon…” and I do nothing else. (feels like it!)

 

Wake Up Sid (2009)

Yes, sometimes I think that it’s okay, at least I’m not Sid – wasting Paa’s money. I’ve been to 2 trips and they were entirely funded by me. The first trip was actually based on my ego:

1.       Goa with friends… “Look, people!” (I’m still proud XD)

2.       Paa once said, “travel only after you start earning”, and that’s where the ego jumped on. ‘_’ (I’ve travelled a lot, but it’s always lesser than our expectations!)

No, I’m not yet getting any salary, it’s just the stipend, but I thought it would be okay to explore new things and learn to save money and have my family and friends to get some fun together – like – “Puri zindagi tumhare paise se ghuma hoon; aaj meri bari hai…” (-Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara) but lately it’s been just that! I’ve reduced a lot of extra spending, but maybe it’s the time that’s affecting me. I know I enjoy being busy, but the work seems nothing compared to old days.

‘In Search of Work’, I’m not really. I have started learning Sanskrit and Italian. I think it’s good to travel a place when you know the language and culture, and that’s why I chose these languages. The Sanskrit has been in my list since a few years, and I’ve got the time to know my roots. Italian, because it’s easy and Italy has been the number one in my bucket list. The book editing is slower than I expected, but I’m keeping it continued. Haven’t read a book since long; haven’t meditated; haven’t really been into my routine!

The point is: it gets hard sometimes. The way you feel, the thoughts you have about your life, drench you in the pool of nothingness, and what you do is just keep swimming without realizing that your body has gone numb due to the cold water. At the end, you think that it’s good that you survived, but did you really? Does ‘surviving only’ make sense? The trip to the greens of South India was like any other trip, perhaps lesser than other trips. But every time we break the routine, we realize that it was not supposed to be the ‘greatest of all’, it was just supposed to be something more than the leveled.

Being in search of work is doing the routine again, with realizing that you’re doing it. Yes, it will happen what is supposed to happen, but it matters when you realize that you lived that part; it matters when your work gets appreciated by your boss rather than just having it done because your boss asked for it; it matters that the lover gets a flower from you because it was the routine to meet every day at the lunch and this time you thought it would be great to have the Parathas with a flower and a beautiful smile; it matters every damn time when you sit at the dining table and rather than just having the dinner, you discuss on how the day has been to your family and how the world is changing (for no reason at all). Work and the extra work will consume a lot from your daily time; so, be prepared if you’re in search of work, the actual work, because it will be there, with some satisfaction and a pinch of happiness.

‘Go with the flow’ is a way to solace yourself when you’re tired of trying to make it changed and it doesn’t be that way, but it should not be applied to your everyday life. You’re not okay with the unjust, with the uncertainty and wildness. You have limits and that’s how you can’t let it just be as it is! You put an effort to make it happen – you put an effort to get the Chandrayan land on the moon’s side where no space shuttle has ever been, and it may take years and years, but you can’t say it was supposed to happen/the mission was supposed to get failed! 

Wake Up Sid (2009)

The preparations may get slower and in between those time, you may think that the work has always been this; but it’s time to appreciate… It’s time to have that old work in your hands and complete it with some cheers… It’s time to get excited for the new thing that the world has never seen… It’s time to write the book which the world has never read… It’s time to talk to your close ones and have some stargazing and discuss philosophies… It’s time to be extrovert and spend some money and travel when you feel like it rather than just getting it planned for the particular holidays… Let me say, it’s time to start that routine of sitting before the small temple of your home and time to wake up early and sharing tea with family than taking the star bucks’ cup in your hand… It’s time to enjoy the sleep; look, it’s time, 10 pm!

Visual time: Bye… it’s no Netflix day today; it’s time for some Courage the Cowardly Dog!

Sanity

Perhaps it’s all in my mind; perhaps not.

What really is this world and why should we be sane to define this insanity? If we don’t know the real meaning of the world and the life, then aren’t we the only creatures who are insane? Because at one point we think we are smart enough to decide what we are: a human who can invent those things which make his life easier at living (read: miserable)

Okay… Let me come to the point. The way we live is exactly what we have thought in our mind. We say we’re tired of this summer; see, we got our AC. But have we really got anything from our life? The way to live is what we have achieved but the way of how to live can not be.

Remember, you were born crying. Even if you had the knowledge of whole of the universe, about the galaxy explosion, and about the time and the light speed, you still weren’t able to express it. Now, when you’re a grown up, an adult with sillier problems which you think are the centre of the universe, do you really think you’re gonna express it even after knowing the solution? When you thought that your neighbours are pain in the eyes, you knew the solution that either you have to take steps like making them so frustrated that they would leave the house or find a new home for your own self. Now, even after knowing the solution, did you do that? Well, I must say you surely took another option of not doing a thing about your solution and start complaining about them in front of whoever visits your house! (Damn you! Stop wasting your time and your relatives’. And stop sacrificing your health and blood pressure for God’s sake!)

How nice would it be if you could turn the volume up so high that the neighbours would understand themselves! How lively would it be to find someone as crazy as you that you both would dance in the rain without thinking of the others. When my mind says ‘run’, from the situation I know I’m not handling well and from the situations about to follow, I should run but I don’t. Reading the nonfiction motivational books and following the quotes said by great men which are only applicable in their lives, I think somewhere we have lost the meaning of living our life on our own terms. Looking at those who run from their works are definitely some negative persons but sometimes there are people who would have done better if they would have just left from the place they didn’t belong to.

At one time of your life, you say to your parents that you’ll only marry the girl you are in love with; and after a few years, you are afraid to leave her. The moment when there was the pressure of the whole world (I mean, society which is the world to you and esp to your parents) but you still won the situation. Now when you want to divorce her, you feel more pressure even after getting the freedom. “Bola tha na, arrange marriage is the best!”, “Suna? Woh Padosh ke Verma-ji ka beta abhi divorce le rahaa hai… Apne Ma-Baap se aise jagdo toh yahi honewala tha n!”, “Naak kata di tumhare bete ne!”… Aren’t you afraid of these rather than being on your own after your wife will leave you!?

“I have hopes from you.” My Paa once said, just a few days ago. It was not merely me passing my last year saying that I wished to complete my under graduation and then putting a clear step towards my goals (Mind me, one of my goals was to become a doctor; but then, of course, there are other goals which are more worthy to me!), but my family too had some of the same goals...

I’ve become an introvert, but most of the times, I’m still an extrovert. People have changed the meaning of the word. Yes, I talk much more than the introverts, but it doesn’t only mean in way of speaking, but expressing too. There were times, when I had regretted my decisions (and I proudly accept them); when I thought I could be better if I would have expressed myself better. So, being insane, for me, is being an extrovert. And we all should be, to show how beautiful we’re inside out, how honest we are to them as well as to self.

Miracle! I found two meanings of insanity: with and without soundness of mind! I will of course feel ashamed being a medical internee and a writer for the slightest of sanity in me, which I’m in search of, so that I can wash it away. After all, talking to an unknown person looking at you, calling a known person to "actually" know how's life going, and being a non-busy friend, is insane!

Philosophy time: It’s only after you’ve lost everything, you’re free to do anything!

-Fight Club

Go to marry the love of your life. Go to gym because you want to look nice in the championship or in front of the girl. Disturb your neighbours. Go to seek the meaning of your life leaving everything behind. Talk to the unknown storyteller and avoid the person you hate even if it’s your boss. Be honest to your loved ones, perhaps hard but you’re their only mirror they will turn to in future. Be insane!

I still have too many things to lose. But perhaps, I don’t want to be free. Perhaps, I’m insane enough to fight for no reason at all. And who knows, one day I’ll come back to my senses, when I’ll be brave and extrovert enough for not crossing these lines out above, when I’ll be what I’ve dreamed of my life!

Being A Patriot

“My Monsoon”: The Story of A Soldier’s Wife

Outside I see autumn leaving,

And the sound of twirling leaves

Calling me,

The nature wants me changed,

But avoiding it and ignoring-

Here I stay and here I sleep.

And I make it annoyed,

Because I look at it-

Through the open door

Smelling the spring wind.

And well with no efforts,

I lay there-

Buried deep in the grey winter shawl.

For others, I remain dead,

But I want my hope to be there,

Because it’s the way I am-

Wanting this weather to be changed for me.

I wait for the monsoon fragrance,

As it will make me alive,

Because the footsteps in the dark wet clay-

Is the only hope-

And only evidence-

When I’ll not lie but run to my kitchen;

When he will come

And eat the sweet dish that I’ve prepared-

And say,

“I missed you.”

Then I’ll sleep and not die,

Talking to his breaths telling me all the lies,

And I’ll accept them,

As my heart is not like him

And I can’t share my love-

Like he does.

But his love,

Oh! His painful love!

When gets him victory at the war

And allows us all to sleep;

He still does not know-

His love does not do that to me…

He still does not know-

I’m killing my dreams…

I have always been a family person. And the thought never came to me that I should join the defence service. I was a little kid when I used to say that I would become an IAS officer, but obviously I didn’t want to study much and so I lost my interest. (Look, I took medical field! Ha!) Then I did some research on becoming a medical doctor for military (inspired from Dr. John Watson) and I realized just a day later that I would rather listen to their stories and bring them to the world than be a doctor for them. The point is, like millions of people in this country I wanted to do something for my nation but didn’t realize that I already am doing it.

It is good that due to internet, due to people being ‘bold’ enough to speak out, we have understood the value of the Jawans. Now we know that Indian Military is the second largest active military ranked at fourth position in the world rankings and our Navy and Air Force stand at seventh and fourth ranks. But is it helping the Jawans actually or is it just a debatable topic for us? The real meaning of being a nationalist is lost somewhere between doing something for the nation and only speaking up that India is a poor country.

In the largest growing economy of the world, we’re happy to be born and being a part of the most diverse nation. But aren’t we the ones who feel patriotic when there’s an attack on us due to terrorists or when our force attack them or when our cricket team wins? Believe it or not, but can you think how dumb you actually sound when you tweet about what the Sarkar and the Armed Forces should do? I mean, honestly, you’re an unemployed person and you have a brain like the size of a pea and you keep advising people around you and on social media! There are so many people suggesting their unappreciated views by sitting in front of an equally idiot box. Yes, you should share your words, your views; please share your happiness and share how proud you feel by our force, but stop faking the patriotism. Stop changing the meaning of this beautiful word.

I write about this because I’ve been the Arnab Goswami of my What’s App group. I’ve been there when I invited people to ‘discuss’ about the current sensations and then have made their mouths shut. (Nowadays, I mostly avoid ‘discussions’ because I hate losing and I hate it when people don’t have enough points to prove themselves, but only a loud voice. Nowadays, I don’t debate because I accept what the situations at the national level can be and I should not imagine those horrible things for someone else while I am staying calmly lied over my bed.)

And look at the people nowadays. They are talking about these big things and then shifting to Canada. They are sharing their unwanted opinions about why nation needs their guidance by preparing for IELTS to move to Australia. They say ‘India has no opportunities and I want to earn more’ by coming back to India for a royal wedding by the money they have earned in the USA. Excuse me, being a patriot enough to stay here providing my service to this nation, I’m having an opinion about you, more valuable than yours about this nation, that you should rather stay there singing ‘Vande Mataram’ and not transferring your dollars to Indian rupees please, because if you have more money to make then we have more milestones to get, and for that you’re not invited to this country. I’m not saying you should not go outside in the foreign countries; please go, and have some great work done for the name of our country, but coming back and forth exchanging money affects the Indian economy. If you’re staying there being a citizen, you’re already doing great for this country, probably better than us that you decrease the population and on the other hand making us all proud doing some great work.

At the end, I don’t know the scale of patriotism, but I’m improving day by day, and so are people around me. The great thing is that before any TV news we get to know about our situations because you all share them on social media sincerely supporting one another. I’m seeing the change as we’re constantly improvising the system. Even though people are unemployed, they are educated and that’s how we grow. Even for the sake of social media, when you donate some amount to people affected by calamities, when you donate some amount to our martyrs’ family, you’re making this country proud. (1. You can always influence your parents and the people for the funding if you’re not independent. 2. Donation is a noble deed when one hand donates and the other doesn’t know.)

I’m grateful for the teachers, who have been educating the future generations since ages; the doctors who are suturing the wounds of this nation; the lawyers and judges who are bettering the justice system day by day; the students who are confident enough to present their ideas before this country’s hopes; the engineers who are building the future; the citizens and all service providers who make India proud; and the warriors who are exposed to the battles outside and inside to protect this nation and to make this nation dream for higher.

Movie Time:

Rang De Basanti (2006) dialogue

Acceptance

A few years ago, I was wandering in Paldi area. A car came by and stopped near the sidewalk and the man who was driving the car asked me, “Which is the way to go to Maninagar?” There were three roads and I was totally confused as I didn’t know my city well. His grandparents who were quarreling over which road to take, eagerly looked at me, and I said, “I don’t know. You can check Google maps.” And they laughed. That day, for the first time, not knowing an answer didn’t make me feel guilty because I started accepting that I can’t know everything. (And another thing I learned that day was how not to answer lame!)

So, here come the toughest parts, ‘why to accept’ and ‘how to accept’. There are two situations:

1.       You are working a lot and now you’re tired. You still think that you’ll complete the project in one hour before sleeping. Now here, you need to accept the fact that you’re tired; your brain is tired. Either your one-hour-work will take two-three hours or you’ll complete it in one hour on bad terms. The only thing you must do is to control your mind and take a good nap and complete the project in the early morning. (For a backup, you can make a copy of that unfinished project and wake up two hours earlier to finish it just in case something goes wrong.)

2.       Your boss calls you at the office. This is the day that can get you a promotion but your heart is just not ready to do it. Now here is the time when you take a sip of water and start your presentation rather than accepting the fact that your heart is feeling weak and you should stop this thing. Not to complete what you have started or avoiding the presentation day is not a brave thing.

These two situations show us that you can’t accept any random thing that comes in your mind. You have to analyze the situation and you have to keep in mind what the consequences can be. You should have done your project and your presentation on the day they were given rather than procrastinating; if you haven’t, rather than being stressed out at the end time, you should accept what had happened and what will happen. Accept the fact, challenge yourself with what you have done and what you can do. You can do the one-hour project later in the morning but you can’t say “Boss, will present tomorrow”/run from there.

Now look at our parents and us. We show ourselves as cool people pretending that our parents are cool; and Indian parents actually are. (Because, they are the most sarcastic people you have ever known! Duh!) So, just accept that you’re not Sharmaji’s son kinda perfect-sanskari kid and they are not as cool as I-support-my-son Sharmaji (because you’re not Sharmaji’s son kinda…)

Remember what Mark Manson has quoted in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,

“While there is something to be said for ‘staying on the sunny side of life,’ the truth is, sometimes life sucks, and the healthiest thing you can do is admit it.”

If I say in medical terms, if you take a step towards this acceptance of the situation, you stay a few steps away from suffering from the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In simple words, OCD means you become obsessive over a thing and keep doing that, thinking that if it won’t happen that way something will go wrong. (e.g. exaggerated form of Monica’s cleanliness, the ‘Turtles All the Way Down’ book’s Aza’s situation, etc.) The therapy is just to accept whatever is going on around you: it is fine if you don’t wash your hands every time, or don’t clean your house as you regularly do; it won’t kill anyone. So, I say, it’s okay if you fail, just accept and take some lessons and start doing your studies or your work again; it’s acceptable if your boyfriend doesn’t bring the gift on the valentine’s day; it’s totally fine if you take vacation from the routine you have always loved.

Just accept: sometimes it will help you and sometimes it will be the only option. Because when you accept, you evolve!

चलचित्र Time: 'हाँ तो?!' मुझे नही पता था कि 'तो' में इतनी ताकत होती है... 'हाँ तो!?' बोलो और आगे का sentence null हो जाता है... -Zakir Khan (कक्षा ११वीं)
So, say, 'so what- if your room is full of mess; if you failed; if you couldn't get married this year; if you didn't get the job...' and add what you can do. The words after 'but I can' really count...

Becoming A Med Student

“Scholars get admission in medical. It’s not your field!”

First of all, study harder in your high school years and when you get admission, say: “in your face!”

No, this never happened with me, but I surely would have done this! Ha ha!

People should know that it is hard to be stuck at your routine. High school years, for some people like me, are tough when there’s not a thing for entertainment. Our TV had been off for those years; Paa had said “No” for novel reading; no outings with friends; maybe watched one movie in the theatre for whole of the year. Although I used to do Facebook in my PC for a while, but it was strictly scheduled. When my high school was gonna start, my Paa asked me if I wanted a mobile and I denied easily. I was in contact with my friends through family phone; I didn’t want any other distractions.

People like me also get bored when there is nothing else to do. I started writing then, in my 12^th. My classmates used to take those books from me, because they liked reading those stories and was the only entertainment thing for them too. Sometimes I think if that was my not-so-good-decision, the writing, but no, I don’t regret it. Although I think I should have studied more than that. Even when my Paa asked me if I wanted to take the exam of GUJCET again after a year’s gap, but I said no. I regretted nothing. Well, where I’m right now is good. Sometimes I think it is better than other colleges, because at the end, you have your friends and classmates here and you know that it can’t be better than this.

·         Are you sure you want to be a Dr? Why? Get these answers ready first.

(Do not say: my family’s wish, Maths is boring so Biology, do not want to be an engineer, etc.)

·         So, if you’re in search of medical science, don’t worry. Get easy with your routine but never lose it. Stay firm in your passion. If you want to be doctor, marks won’t affect you. Just have a will to be a doctor and one of these options:

1.       Good marks in NEET

2.       Rich family

3.       Middle class family (middle-middle or lower-middle or lower) SEARCH ABOUT CM SCHOLARSHIP AND OTHERS

4.       Middle class family: there are EDUCATION LOANS too.

So, if you’re not getting admission in government, don’t worry. There are other ways. You just have to be firm with your passion and be fixed to your study.

·         Do not listen to people who are distracting you. If you want to be a Dr, remember there should be no option B. vice versa, you should not come in medical field if you’re dedicated to other field. I’m that one in this example. I didn’t regret my decision of this college but the decision of getting admission in ‘medical’ branch. I know, it was all happy moment for me and my family when my admission was confirmed, but after a few days I felt like I didn’t belong here. Around 2 years passed, and then I got myself back. My old high-school-self, who used to study for her own sake. I have even seen students here who had good marks in first year but due to disinterest in studies and field, they got consistently poor. Only one thing is there that can lead you to become a good Dr and it is the constant wish to become one.

·         Marks don’t matter; how you treat the patient matters. And marks will only show up in your sheet when you have good understanding of the diseases (So marks do matter). Study hard but study effectively. Study to treat the patient. Study to get admission for your PG entrance. Don’t just do IMPs for passing the exam. Instead of slowing someone down, get some speed. Study in groups, teach and learn. Study with interest.

·         Keep in mind: you’re nothing special. So what if you have get your medical admission!? There are thousands of students in this branch. So what if you’re first among them? Celebrate, but at the end, you’re studying with other 100-200 students in the same college. Be happy. Be thankful. But keep in mind: always be ready to learn. Yes, you’re good with knowledge, so share it instead of just showing off.

At the end, nothing is hard. You’re here or will be here with your passion. This field needs your constant concentration and hard work, otherwise there’s nothing hard about it. Outsider studying MBBS is as hard as a Dr studying an arts course without interest. It is all about will.